I don't always read the fine print.
When there's an ad on TV and some silky smooth-voiced sales person is doing their spiel there's some tiny words on the bottom of the screen.
I know it says don't believe anything the voice over person just said.
I have been looking at some of the words lately.
Must be the new glasses.
This beautiful motor vehicle zooming up and down the valleys. It can do nought to 100kmh in a few seconds.
But is that so good, I wonder?
You've just taking it up to the speed limit in seconds, what are you supposed to find thrilling for the rest of the journey.
I say get a slower car and enjoy the build up to its racing best all the while longer.
But I blame the pandemic for reading some of the consumables more closer than I used to.
Most of the cleaning products have always made the same claim, I just never read the fine print before.
This product kills 99.9 per cent of the germs.
I am reliably and repeatedly told COVID-19 is an ultra-infectious beast.
My hand sanitiser needs to get all the bugs, all of them, 100 per cent.
That nasty little 0.1 per cent germ is going to be the one that causes the infection, nothing surer.
What's wrong with the manufacturer of these products?
Read this website, you'll get most of the information you want.
But wait, we deliberately left out 0.1 per cent of the stuff you want.
Have you heard the story about the mum who was fearful for children during a first wave lockdown and insisted they all used hand sanitiser any time they came near her.
Problem was, the sanitiser leapt off the supermarket aisles the same way the toilet rolls went west.
Mums are nothing if not inventive.
She donated a bottle of her best hooch to the cause, Vodka.
She poured it into a bowl and had her children rinse their hands in the stuff.
Last I heard the kids are coming out of rehab soon.
I wish I hadn't read it, now I know the manufacturers aren't good enough yet to hunt down that 0.1 per cent mongrel.
As soon as I lift my hand anywhere near my face, I'm coronavirus toast, nothing surer.
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